Only Kindness Matters

I’m sure you’ve seen the fancy post that if you can choose to be anything be kind. And sure, it’s a great sentiment, but somedays are bad days and being kind is feels anything but possible. I’m grateful that we don’t all have the same bad days, so the people that are struggling with kindness are balanced out by those who aren’t. That being said, I do think that right now our world would benefit from more kindness, and while it would be nice if everyone woke up tomorrow and said I am going to be way nicer today than I was yesterday, that doesn’t address where the hate and meanness is coming from.

Just as waking up and saying I’m going to be nice doesn’t magically make all of your actions and behaviors nice, I don’t think anyone wakes up and thinks how can I be mean and hateful today. I think hate, like anger, is really a secondary emotion. It’s there to mask the more vulnerable feelings inside. I think one of the primary places things fueling hateful responses, and a lot of name calling, is feeling unsafe and insecure.

There are so many unknowns swirling around us right now, and our reptilian brain is doing everything it can to get us back to safety, trying to help us feel in control. Being right, and making sure those who are “wrong” know it, is an attempt to find safety.

What if instead of saying to the person who is having a different response than you, that they are stupid, selfish, entitled, ignorant, etc. You said: I am scared. I am scared that I or someone I love is going to get really sick, and possibly die. I feel out of control. I am scared of all of the unknowns, I am unsure of what to do. I want someone to take responsibility for all of this mess so we can hurry up and get back to normal.

Is it possible that everyone is doing the best that they can with the information they have? Reality? There is very little undeniable fact in the world, that’s why so many things treated as truth are actually called theories (germ theory comes to mind right now…).

What we all want right now is to have an end in sight. Limbo is one of the hardest places to live. Limbo is even harder to live in when everyone is yelling at each other for not doing it right. Limbo will always feel abnormal, but it will feel a lot better if we can lead with love and acceptance.

Questions to help get you to that place:

What am I doing to take responsibility for myself?

What can I remove from my current experience to lower my feelings of anger, frustration, hate, and malice?

What am I doing to release my belief that others have a responsibility to make me feel a certain way?

What proactive steps/ preparations am I making to ensure that if what I fear comes to pass I am in the best possible position to rise to the occasion?

Take a deep breathe, turn inwards, focus on dealing with your fears through personal course correction. Find a way to be empowered, without belittling others.


Getting Rid Of The Rules

It’s 11:33 pm and the inspiration and the words fill my mind. I find myself arguing with the rules. It’s late. Your alarm is going to go off at 6:30 tomorrow morning. Is it really the best idea to blog, on your business blog, at this time of night? The words cluttering my mind go on and on and on. But this time I hear the words that I say to my clients all of the time “Get rid of the rules.”

How much of your life is dictated by “the rules”?  Don’t worry I can hear the panic you’re feeling right now, but the rules, the rules keep things on track, the rules keep me in my lane, the rules make sure that I am doing what I am supposed to when I a supposed to be doing it. The rules make sure that I go to bed when I a supposed to, the rules make sure that I eat what I am supposed to, the rules make sure that I am parenting my kids the way that I am supposed to, the rules make me safe.

What if the rules are a lie? What if the rules are a figment of your imagination? What if the rules aren’t keeping your safe, but the rules are keeping you stuck? How often do you think of something you would love to do (blog at 11:38 at night) but the rules tell you that is not the time that sort of thing happens, or doing that thing will wreck havoc on the rest of  your life, or tomorrow at the very least?

When these rules come up I encourage you to ask yourself; where did this rule come from? Is this rule actually true? By “breaking this rule do I feel guilty? If I got rid of this rule would I feel more free? Would I feel more authentic? What is keeping me attached to this rule?

You’re not alone, the rules come in all shapes and sizes and we all have them. From big things about what makes someone a good person, friend, mother, father, child etc. to what is the correct time to have dinner and put your kids to bed.

How would it feel to release yourself from the rules that you think are keeping you safe, and live presently, in the moment? How would it feel to blog at 11:41 at night? How would it feel to not care about how your child dressed themselves? How would it feel to not feed your kids dinner, and have snacks instead… without creating a story about why it’s okay or justified this time? How would it feel to hang a picture of a rainbow unicorn in your living room because it makes you feel good? How would it feel to leave the dirty dishes in the sink, the laundry on the bathroom floor, and put your kids to bed with dirty feet?

Checking in with yourself, and the rules you have created about the “right” way to live your life versus the present way to live your life can bring profound levels of peace and understanding. Allowing yourself to understand the reason behind why you do what you do, and eliminating or, or accepting it, can open up the door to change and living life more authentically.

If you are struggling to understand the rules you’ve created around your existence I can help you determine where they are, as well as guide you in creating a life of authentic existence.

Life Coaching

You Can Change Your Mind

Yes, you can. And right now if you are thinking about something where you would like to change your mind, but believe that I am wrong and that you can’t, I want you to know you can, it might be the hardest things you ever do, but you can and it will be worth it.

Tonight talking to my daughters about a decision they had made, talking through the reasons that had led them to that decision, one of the things holding them to their decision is that they had already told everyone. I told them, you can change your mind. After telling them that, I got thinking about all of the things that I had thought were permanent, stuck, the ultimate way of being, and immovable. That I would not be who I am, where I am, doing what I am, had I not put in the effort, and work to change my mind thereby changing the trajectory of my life.

Changing my mind wasn’t always easy, wasn’t always met with high fives and cheers from those around me, and sometimes left me feeling that life was impossible if that was the only solution. Left me questioning how changing my mind to honor what I felt in my heart, but could possible burn down everything around me, could be in my best interest. I didn’t get out unscathed as I made these decisions. I have the scars, I still feel pangs in my heart, but also feel my ability to love, honor, respect, and empathize with others is greater because I learned that I could change my mind and I want you to know that you can to.

Small things, I changed my mind about what I wanted to be when I grew up, about 5 times. When I was little it was normal, when I got into college it got more expense (I had 30 credits more than I needed for my associates degree). I started out majoring in elementary education, and received my associates in business. Headed into marketing for a few classes, then took a 13 year break. I spent year 10-13 of that break trying to figure every which way I could get a degree, without going back to school, because in my mind going  back to school with 6 kids between the ages of 2-10 was impossible. I changed my mind and got my bachelors in psychology in 2015.

Marci Graduation

When my kids start to panic because they don’t know what they want to go into for college (apparently lots of pressure in grades 8-11 to KNOW what you want to do for the next 70 years of your life!) I let them know how many times I changed my mind, and that I want them to not know,  and experience life and change there mind until it feels right, AND if after 10 years they change their mind again, that’s okay.

I changed my mind about the style in which I parent my children.

I changed my mind about religion.

I changed my mind about being a doormat in my relationships with others.

I changed my mind about health and the responsibility I have towards it.

I changed my mind about running.

I changed my mind about drinking Diet Coke, and coffee.

I changed my mind about what I was capable of doing.

I changed my mind that this year that I like American Idol more than The Voice (sorry Adam, but Katey Perry is really great this year!)

I often tell clients that many times the answer is in the never. Meaning when you are trying to work something out, solve something, moving forward or towards something, the solution may be the very thing you said “I would never…” The reason that may seem like the impossible solution is because it will involve changing your mind. In order for your life to be different you have to start interacting with it differently and that starts with changing your mind.

Life Coaching

Picking Your Filter

I’m sure you’ve heard the Wayne Dyer quote, or something close to it, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” For several years after hearing this I held onto a literal interpretation of this, thinking as I changed my way of thinking the tangible things around me would change. I’d watched The Secret, and was spending time imagining checks in the mail, and parking spaces opening up to me with a little success. I struggled with truly understanding how changing my thoughts could change what I was looking at, because everyday things seemed to stay the same. Until a solicitor came into our office, I can’t remember what he was selling, but I do remember the life changing information he shared with me as we chatted before his sales pitch.

He told me about the Reticular Activating System. I’ll be honest I politely engaged him in the conversation, but my fingers were on the keyboard at the ready to prove that this solicitor was selling me some woo-woo information. No sooner had he left then I set off researching and learned it wasn’t woo-woo, in fact is the very information I had been searching for to help me understand that when I change my thinking I change what I am looking at.

What is the reticular activating system (RAC)? Simply put it’s a filter for the information that gets allowed into your consciousness. At any given moment you are being pelleted with information from the 300 megapixels of visual information to the way every nerve cell on your skin is detecting pressure, pain, temperature, and location. Take a few seconds right now to listen to the sounds around you, feel what your entire body is feeling, and see what is going on around you. You probably heard things that you don’t usually hear, felt things you don’t normal recognize, and maybe noticed something that’s been right in front of you this whole time.

If all of this information was passing through into our awareness we’d be crying like an overstimulated baby! That is the reason for the all important RAC. How does the RAC decide which information gets through and what information gets filtered out? You tell it. What you think your brain says Oh! This is important. Anything that has to do with  XYZ gets through the filter. Two easy examples of this: have you ever wanted a certain type of car, or purchased a new car, and suddenly everyone is driving that kind of car? You start seeing it everywhere? It’s not because everyone else stole your idea, but you told your brain this type of car is important to me and your brain said righty-o and made sure you saw all of those car

Have you ever been pregnant, wanted to be pregnant, or didn’t want to be pregnant? And pregnant women start popping up everywhere? More women aren’t pregnant around you, but you’ve told your brain this matters to me, and your brain responds with making sure you are aware of all things pregnancy in your world.

Your RAC will also filter OUT things that you determine are not necessary to be aware of. For instance we spent a few years living by an extremely busy road. The first few weeks of living there every time I opened the door, or went outside, I was acutely aware of how loud the traffic was. Over time I stopped hearing it because my brain learned it wasn’t necessary to keep at the forefront of my thinking. After parenting for 16 years I have developed the ability to tune out 6 kids and a dog running through the house because it is part of the “safe” soundtrack I am accustomed to hearing.

So, when we change the way we look at things, we are essentially installing a new filter, so the things we look at change. If you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you are putting in a filter that says, today is a bad day filter information to support that. If you wake up with a smile on your face, you will find information to support that. My mom once said to me if you are looking for information on the internet to support something you believe you will find it. She is right. The same goes for life.

What if you were to wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and say and think I am a kind, happy, engaged person who matters and has value. Overtime your RAC is going to insert a filter to help you see yourself in the way you are constantly affirming, and will respond accordingly. If you spend 30 seconds thinking that in the morning, but spend the next 12 hours saying and thinking the opposite your RAC is going to struggle to put in the new filter. You have more power over how you are experiencing life than you may realize.

If you feel like what you are looking at doesn’t match what you are thinking take a few minutes to answer the following questions: I believe I am… I believe money is… I believe my health is… I believe my family is… I believe relationships are… if there is some conflicting messages between what you think and what you wrote, or you would like help updating your RAC filter I can help.


Tiny Dancer

If you have ever had a chance to spend more than 24 hours with me (not necessarily all at once) you know that I love to dance. I can’t help myself. For better or worse I find myself dancing behind my grocery cart, slowing my jog to add a few box steps in, the car, office, and shower, aren’t immune to my moves. This isn’t a new phenomenon, I’ve been dancing since I was a small child, my preference back then was to run around the coffee table to Neil Diamonds Coming to America.

I’m asked frequently if I was a cheerleader in high school, no. I took a dance class when I was a sophomore in high school, it was so short lived my mom can’t remember driving me there. I had to quit because I couldn’t turn the same direction as everyone else. I was capable of turning to the left and to the right, and chronically did the opposite of everyone else. I accepted that I was a free styler, and moved on. I wasn’t going to stop because I knew I had to honor the tiny dancer.

grayscale photography of girl doing ballet
Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

What’s a tiny dancer you ask? Everyone has their own “tiny dancer” it’s the thing you measure your vitality and life force with. How engaged and excited about life am I? How much dancing am I doing inside? I didn’t actually recognize this tiny dancer until the time in my life she laid down, and stopped dancing.  I’d spent so much time with her I didn’t realize that my outside could keep going as if things were normal while me insides didn’t feel like dancing anymore. My tiny dancer’s favorite song would come on and she’d lie there wondering the reasons she didn’t want to dance anymore, and that seemed to make things worse.  I listened harder, turned the music louder but she still didn’t want to dance.

As I started to take a personal inventory I realized that not only was she not dancing anymore after a time, neither was I. The things in my life that brought me joy didn’t anymore. Even worse the things that I felt the most passionate about that brought out the spark of Marci weren’t an integral part of my life anymore. With the help of my excellent life coach I was able to slowly identify where I’d lost the skip in my step, the reason I let it go, and the steps I would have to take to get it back.

It was a really good day when my song came on and my tiny dance leapt to her feet and started dancing. I now check in frequently and know that if I’m not dancing through the parking lot, grocery store, or kitchen it’s time to do a personal inventory.  Where am I compromising my values and not honoring my true nature and take the SMART and SIMPLE steps to get back to where I know I love to be!

How do you gage your vitality and life force?

What do you do to regenerate  when you can feel yourself slipping?

Are you struggling to answer those questions?

Would you like help figuring it all out?

Let’s just say I know a lady who can help you with that? Contact

I’m working on growing my Facebook page, once I hit 100 likes I will be dancing there, I hope you take a minute to like my page, and once I’ve done my dancing I will link it there for all to see! FACEBOOK Dynamic Life Utah